Editor's note: This feature contains adult language. For readers 18 and over, please. By reading this article and browsing through the photo album contained herein, you are voluntarily choosing to do so, and we are not responsible for your actions. Finally, if this feature offends you, tough shit! You shouldn't be reading this fuckin' magazine anyway! -DN

Sands Expo Center
Las Vegas, NV
by K.K.

BABES IN TOYLAND

      There’s a different ‘vibe’—pardon the expression—to this year’s AVN Convention. Mayhap it’s because I’m on its first day, which is Industry/Media only.
It’s still hot & happenin’, of course, from the moment white-hot Wicked Pictures girl Stormy Daniels cuts the pink ribbon at the entrance, in a flare of flashbulbs. Beyond the ribbon is a phantasmagorical ‘strip mall’ for adults, with emphasis on the ‘strip’. Once again, the giants of the adult industry are in the front: Adam & Eve, Wicked Pictures, Digital Playground, Hustler, Evil Angel and others. Slightly farther back are the ‘up & comers’, dare I say it…Jules Jordan’s “Pornitentiary”, Silver Sinema, Briana Banks Entertainment, Bang Brothers, Doghouse and many others.
     Doubtless the ‘up & comers’ would love to be in the position the giants are. If so, they’ll need to stop hunting and recycling “it” girls and concentrate on product. Wicked Pictures are well-stocked with attractive models, but they also have top production values and actual storylines. New features such as “The Wicked”, “Two” and “Fallen” flirt with psychodrama, horror and fantasy themes.  Digital Playground already broke the mold with “Pirates” and is upping the ante with “Pirates 2”. Adam & Eve don’t just have top-drawer features and talent, but also every other adult product known to man. Hustler’s XXX parodies “This is NOT—(A) The Munsters, (B) The Brady Bunch, (C) The Partridge Family, (D) Gilligan’s Island” might give a strange tint to your childhood memories, but at least they’re offering something offbeat.
     Sampler DVDs from some of the other studios—which will remain nameless, in my mercy—are almost collections of rape scenes. I can visualize sitting down to watch “Fallen” with my girlfriend; I can’t see her sitting through “Filthy Face F*ckers #50.” But the Industry marches on, seeking to provide something for everyone. (One thing the Industry might reconsider providing is posters. If you’re married, your wife’s head will explode if you try to put one up anywhere. If you’re single, most of your dates will bail as soon as they notice them.)
     This year, AVN indeed provided something for everyone:
PINK VISUAL’S First Environmentally Conscious Adult feature, “Plant Your Wood”. The packaging is 100% recyclable and printed with soy inks, contains a list of “Eco-friendly sex tips”, and PINK VISUAL themselves will donate $1 for each DVD sold to TREES FOR THE FUTURE, enough to plant 10 trees. AllRIGHT, Pink Visual! Let’s hope other studios follow this trail!
FYRE TV’S stage of fan contests, exotic dancers, rappers, the Punany Poets, and the rock group HDR.
Naomi St. Claire & the southern belles of JUICY PEACH,  (www.JuicyPeachOnline.com) the warmest, friendliest cyber-MILFs I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. I’ll eat these Peaches any day.
BRIANA BANKS in a wheelchair, ‘taking one for the team’ by attending AVN even through a leg injury. Get well soon, Briana!
Rick Kennedy’s truly innovative product, the “Snatch Snorkel”, which will let men ‘stay down longer than Flipper’. (C’mon, you WISH you’d thought of it first.) Available via www.snatchsnorkel.com.
REALDOLL.COM, a silicone sex mannequin so scarily lifelike that actual flesh and blood women may have to learn to cook again. Throw in some japanese robotics, and the Stepford Wives are right around the corner
“FLESHLIGHT”, a lifelike silicone vagina cleverly hidden in a flashlight container, so social pariahs can get off at a moment’s notice. In theory. In actual practice, I can see a guy saying “What am I doing f*cking this flashlight, officer? Well, it’s very easy to explain...”
UNLEASH THE BIG O with Doctor DeStephen’s procedure to plump up the female G-Spot, safely and painlessly in less than 30 minutes. Email GspotDoctor@aol.com, or send your girl over to my place with a six-pack. I’m much cheaper.
GIO Group’s IGNITE spray, allowing you to blast flavored, natural sex-boosters (yohimbe, b-vitamins, etc.) directly into your mucous membranes. (Ahem, the ones in your mouth.) www.ignitespray.com.
Samantha Linton’s sensual fantasy DVD for women, www.manofmydreams.ca.
Las Vegas’ own BRIANA, offering quality MILF fantasies via www.brianasexysecrets.com.
A.J. Comparetto’s Adult Business Academy! Become a porn producer with a comprehensive 3-day workshop in Tampa. www.adultbusinessacademy.com.
OhMiBOD, the first musically-charged vibrator!
XXX Veterans NINA HARTLEY, RANDY SPEARS, SUNSET THOMAS, GINGER LYNN and TOM BYRON! Selected interviews with a couple of these legends to follow.
BEER LUBE! Two great tastes that taste great together! Truly an idea whose time has COME!!! Try the new ‘Whore’s Light’ flavor.
For those ‘over their head’ in the industry…either dangerously addicted or looking for a way out, there are local saviours XXXChurch.com and Shelley Lubben’s Pink Cross Foundation (www.thepinkcross.org).
     One slight damper on the festivities was the absence of some of my favorite performers: Stephanie Swift, Alana Evans, Rita Faltoyano, Brittney Skye, Asia Carrera and a few others. This year’s AVN had a legion of names I’d never heard of, but perhaps that goes to show the career span of the modern porn star.
     Let’s take a moment and redefine the title “Porn Star”. To their credit, most are in great shape and are very physically attractive (although some do need substantial makeup to match their press photos). In the final analysis, however, they are simply human beings who are able to have sex on camera. The sex act itself is fairly simple; in the context of Adult films, it’s not necessarily easy. You don’t necessarily know your partner; you work when they’re ready, not necessarily when you’re ready, you have to stop during the act, change positions, and have still photos taken. Your humble servant performed an R-rated, mostly nude love scene in a horror movie a while back, and trying to act ‘hot & ready’ with a phalanx of lights, cameras and microphones a few feet away was disconcerting, to say the least. At no time did I think of myself as a ‘Star’; there was no Shakespearean monologue, no epic battle, no daring stunt. It was merely the illusion of casual sex.
     “Porn Star” ought to be redefined as “Adult Film Performer”, and that title might inject some reality into both the glamour and the stigma around the industry. Not all adult films are ‘porn’, as evidenced from Dr. Michael Perry’s collection of sexual instruction and intimacy videos (www.sexualintimacy.com), and Adam & Eve’s corporate creed to sell only material that reflects a healthy portrayal of human sexuality. If the widely-held definition of ‘pornography’ is “imagery providing no artistic or intellectual value”, then virtually every other advertisement could be construed as pornography. (“Hi—you don’t need this, you can’t even afford this, but we’re going to make you want it anyway…so call now.”).  Still, there’s enough actual pornography and legitimate, helpful ADULT products, services and professionals at the 2009 AVN Convention to satisfy everyone.

    

AVN COM 2009: The Interviews

DR. JOEL KAPLAN
Dr. Kaplan is a licensed Physician and Pharmacist, but moreover, the go-to guy for every man who wants a bigger schlong. While everyone else is hawking a magic pill for it, Dr. Kaplan has invented a PUMP system that actually WORKS…
CRYPT: Congratulations on being the pioneer and innovator in this field. Starting off—how did you discover that this pumping technology would work?
DR. KAPLAN: Two-thirds of the penis is made up of muscle-like tissue. When you use a pump, the capillaries expand and dilate like they do in bodybuilders. “How did I know it would work” is an excellent question. Pumps were used for erectile dysfunction for many years. A lot of men that were repeatedly using pumps for impotence were telling me that they were making their penises bigger. A lot of men, as they get older, they shrink, they lose masculinity by sexual dysfunction, or erectile dysfunction. By bringing more blood flow into the penis, the capillaries will expand and dilate, break down and rebuild just like bodybuilding. You will get longer, you will get thicker, perfectly and safely. You will gain one to three inches, and gain 25% in thickness.
CRYPT: Okay, is that because everybody’s got a little bit of extra penis still inside the abdomen, waiting to come out?
DR. KAPLAN: Actually not. Those are the suspensatory ligaments; they can be released just a little bit. The actual increase results from the capillaries inside the Corpus Cavernosum...the muscle structure in the penis. They will expand and dilate and rebuild, just like muscles in the biceps. That’s what causes the length and the girth.
CRYPT: How long has this technology been available?
DR. KAPLAN: I’ve designed and developed a pump that I’ve been working with for about 14 years. I am the pioneer for penis enlargement; you can come by and visit my website at www.getbiggertoday.com.
CRYPT: Right…now, if you go to any adult store, you see any number of pumps available, but yours is the only one that’s patented, right?
DR. KAPLAN: Mine’s the only one that’s patented, and the only one that’s FDA registered and approved. It is a medical device, it is NOT sold as a novelty. That’s why I’m the number one pump seller and the number one pump product in the entire industry.
CRYPT: Having the only safe way to get larger, what do you say to all these pill manufacturers that claim to be able to do the same?
DR. KAPLAN: Pills cannot permanently enlarge the penis. They’re a stimulant, they can arouse you and help you get in the mood. A lot of them are Vasculine dilators that have Yohimbe, that can increase blood flow in the tissue and give you a ‘flush’. But for permanent penis enlargement, to make the penis bigger, you need a pump.
CRYPT: And about how much does the normal unit cost?
DR. KAPLAN: From about $120 to $200. There’s also an electrical unit that runs about $400-$500; it feels better, it’s easier to operate, the results are quicker.
CRYPT: Do you have any endorsements from anyone in the adult industry?
DR. KAPLAN: A lot of the male models have used my products. My website has all of their endorsements (www.getbiggertoday.com).
CRYPT: The prevailing sentiment is that the majority of women want a big ol’ hammer, but have you ever gotten any feedback that says they don’t want to be ‘split’, so to speak?
DR. KAPLAN: A lot of women say size doesn’t matter. But if they have a choice, they’d probably opt for someone bigger.
(Makes sense…it’s like my Dad’s old joke: Secretary A has been with the company 5 years and has a Master’s Degree; Secretary B has been with the company 10 years and has a Bachelor’s Degree. Which one gets the promotion? The one with the biggest t*ts, of course…ROCKHERWORLD.NET contends that it’s not the size of the weapon, it’s the fury of the attack…still, if you’ve got some extra bucks and wouldn’t mind a bigger schlong, check out his site.)


NINA HARTLEY   
If you don’t know who Nina Hartley is, you have our full endorsement to return to your Monastery. She’s an Adult-film Legend (your Dad probably has one of her earlier tapes stashed away somewhere), a tireless advocate of sexual freedom and instruction (her “Nina Hartley’s Guide(s)” cover everything remotely sexual) and a power player at the adult mega-corporation Adam & Eve. Not only that, she’s one of the only people to make polyamorous relationships succeed!

CRYPT: You’re one of the few people that’s actually made polyamory WORK. So, how long have you been in your current poly relationships?
NINA HARTLEY: I wasn’t polyamorous all my life, not knowing the word for it, and if I’d understood the concept better when I was in my 20s, I would have managed my first multiple relationship better. I didn’t understand all that has to be in place before it can actually work. It’s not just a desire, but you have to have a good sense of your self, you have to have good communication, good boundaries, set your limits on things, and understand that what you want, and what you get, are going to be different. So I was sexually certainly that way early on, but they didn’t have the word for it. So people thought I was a ‘swinger’. But I’m more than a swinger.

CRYPT: Right, because polyamory’s not just about swinging…
NINA HARTLEY: No, it’s not, swinging is about pair-bonding with fun on the side. 
But the love relationship is usually a one on one, it’s emotionally monogamous. Polyamory accepts and supports the fact that you can have multiple emotional connections with people of varying depths, of varying intensities, of varying duration,
that flow and change with life; that a person can be important now, and drop out of sight and come back and be important again. So it respects the fact that human emotions are not neat and tidy, and that if you don’t try to shame people about their sexuality, and can have discussions about it, you can be amazed at what can actually develop, in terms of relationships, friendships, connections, community, tribal affinity. And so, I’ve known that about myself all along, and I haven’t been able to make it work properly, until I got with my current partner.

CRYPT: Besides, nobody even had a word for polyamory* up until recently…
(See, even my spell-check doesn’t recognize it—K.K.)
NINA HARTLEY: It was always “Oh, you’re a cheater! Oh, you’re wishy-washy! Or you’re fickle, or you’re shallow, or you’re insecure, or you’re afraid of commitment, blah, blah, blah…”

CRYPT: I always thought, why should you have to make a choice between two or more people that you love, and you feel the same way about?
NINA HARTLEY: What’s really important for people to understand that while monogamy is the social norm, in terms of our wiring, it’s a ‘wiring preference’. I know when I was younger and more arrogant, I’d say “Oh, no one’s monogamous, it’s a total farce, it’s a total fallacy”, and now I know that’s not true. Some people are monogamous. When their heart’s engaged, you’re all I want, I’m not interested in you (mentioning Dave Necro standing nearby—Sorry, Dave—K.K.), you’re very nice, but I wouldn’t want you if I’m not in love…and that’s how you are. And I realize, I can be in love with you, but you’re (Dave again—K.K.) still very interesting to me. And to understand that, my heart may be yours, but my crotch belongs to me, and I can spread that around. But for me, I’m also emotionally attached to more than one person. I have my main partner, my husband, I’m pretty much emotionally monogamous with him. The heavy work of intimacy I do with him…the seeing and being seen, and doing all that stuff. But I don’t just ‘fuck other people, I make love with my friends. So I have a circle of friends, and I mainly see them once or twice a year, and when we see each other, it’s a sexual thing; we’re known to each other, we’re friends, that’s fine, they’re happy and I’m happy. So that’s what I like about polyamory, is the different range of emotional connection that can take place. There can be the ‘big one’, the sixty or eighty percent of my emotional thing with you, and the twenty percent I can parcel out to whomever.

CRYPT: I’ve got your guide, Older Women and Younger Men…are you just doing the Guides now, or anything else?
NINA HARTLEY: Oh, no, I make three to five movies a month, for other people…regular old sex movies. The “MILF” craze has been very good for my career! 

CRYPT: Oh, by the way, here’s a series I’m developing about polyamory, it’s like a combination of “Big Love” and “The X-Files” (K.K. takes the opportunity to give her an overview of “QUAD”)
NINA HARTLEY: HaHA! I love it!

CRYPT: And thanks very much for your time!
NINA HARTLEY: Thank YOU very much!

(“Bonus Question” to Nina from Dave Necro:
CRYPT: Is semen good for you? I noticed in your films how you take it all in.
NINA HARTLEY: It’s not BAD for you, it’s just better than letting it drip off your chin.)

RACHEL ROXXX
Brought to us by BANG BROTHERS, Ms. Roxxx is just the sweetest lil’ thing, only about five feet two but with a killer body and a dazzling smile. Her Sarah Palin style glasses give her a nice ‘hot librarian’ quality, if you can tear your own eyes off her cleavage, that is…
CRYPT: We’re with CRYPT Magazine; sex, horror & rock and roll. So tell us about yourself, Ms. Roxxx, and keep it raunchy.
RACHEL ROXXX: My name is Rachel Roxxx, and I like the big cock, and (bursts into cute giggles)…I’m a Pisces and I like long walks on the beach, and dildos in my ass, and a cock in my pussy at the same time. I love to blow cocks all day long…(more cute giggles)
CRYPT (K.K.): God! Such refreshing honesty…
CRYPT (Dave Necro): On your own time, or on the screen?
RACHEL ROXXX: All of the above.
CRYPT: So how many films do you have with Bang Brothers?
RACHEL ROXXX: I don’t know how many films I have with them.
CRYPT: But you’re exclusive with them, right?
RACHEL ROXXX: I’m not exclusive with them…I am, for the weekend, for sure.
CRYPT: And how old are you, if you don’t mind my asking?
RACHEL ROXXX: I’ll be 26 in two months.
CRYPT: Oh, so this is your prime, now!
RACHEL ROXXX: Oh my god, I know. I think I get more and more horny every year!
CRYPT: Do you like guys better, or girls, or does it matter?
RACHEL ROXXX: You know, I like ‘em both, but I can’t live without cock. (Pause for photo opportunity)  So are y’all having fun?
CRYPT: Oh, hell yeah. It was great meeting you, we look forward to seeing your stuff.
RACHEL ROXXX: Allright! Thanks so much.


ANGELINA ARMANI
DIGITAL PLAYGROUND’S new contract star Angelina Armani is a true fantasy girl! Tall, blonde and svelte with a golden tan, lush lips and a colgate smile. We’re also glad to know she’s into horror films as well…if she’s into metal, too, this could be the Trifecta!

CRYPT: We’re CRYPT Magazine: Sex, Horror & Rock and roll. Tell us a little about yourself, if you don’t mind? 
ANGELINA ARMANI: Hi, I’m Angelina Armani, DIGITAL PLAYGROUND’s newst contract star—YEAH baby!—here at AVN for the first time, and for the first time in Vegas, and it’s really rockin’ and rollin’, goin’ great over here…tomorrow’s going to be even bigger...

CRYPT: Because all of your fans will be here…
ANGELINA ARMANI: All the fans are going to be here, it’s going to be great. Just so you guys know, I have my first feature film coming out, January 13th, I play a hot, sexy assassin in this movie, you’re going to love it.
(I’m so stunned by the physical perfection of this nymph, that I forget to ask what the title is—KK)

CRYPT: So who have you worked with in Digital Playground so far?
ANGELINA ARMANI: I’ve worked with Nick, Lou, Gerry, Evan Stone…

CRYPT: Evan Stone! A man for all seasons…
ANGELINA ARMANI: Whenever anybody hears that name, they’re just like, “EVAN STONE..” (Her voice drops to a sultry, serious growl)

CRYPT: Well, what is he now, 50? And he only looks 30, for cryin’ out loud.
ANGELINA ARMANI: No, he’s not…

CRYPT: I’m just jealous ‘cause he’s got the Wife AND the Girlfriend goin’ on.
ANGELINA ARMANI: And he’s GOOD, he plays it good, great guy, great performer. He’s hilarious, and he makes you feel so comfortable and relaxed…

CRYPT: Now, you’re into horror movies too, so what’s your favorite so far?
ANGELINA ARMANI: Okay, I’m an original type girl, I like PSYCHO…my favorite is HALLOWEEN H2O. Y’know, it’s not that scary, but I love the whole setting, the babysitter killer, Michael Myers…I’m a huge Michael Myers fan.

CRYPT: “Don’t Answer The Phone” is a good one…
ANGELINA ARMANI: Don’t Answer The Phone, Friday The Thirteenth, Nightmare On Elm Street, all the originals…

CRYPT: You mentioned Halloween, did you like Rob Zombie’s version?
ANGELINA ARMANI: I thought it was alright, I liked it a lot, it was good, it gave it a different effect.

CRYPT: How about House of 1000 Corpses or Devil’s Rejects?
ANGELINA ARMANI: I liked Devil’s Rejects, especially the ending, I thought it was good…I didn’t see House of 1000 Corpses, though.

CRYPT: If you had your way, would you have DIGITAL PLAYGROUND make a horror-porn movie?
ANGELINA ARMANI: YES! Yes. I’m actually thinking about it, but since you were so good to ask, yes, that’s what I’m looking into. My big fantasy would be getting fucked by Michael Myers…

CRYPT: OUCH…
ANGELINA ARMANI: Whoa, NO, no no no, I mean in a good, hot, sexy way. Not just Michael but Freddy, I want his fucking nails up inside of me, I want him really fucking ripping me apart, it’d be great. I want all the horror film legends in a movie with me, fucking me. I want to get all the ‘Masters’ in one room, and be on a table…it’d be great, I’m a huge, HUGE horror fan. Everybody loves a horror film.

CRYPT: Then you’re our new Cover Girl.
ANGELINA ARMANI: Yeah baby!

CRYPT: We hear you like rock & roll, too?
ANGELINA ARMANI: I like my rock, I like my roll…

CRYPT: Any metal?
ANGELINA ARMANI: A little bit of metal, it depends…I like a little bit of everything. Sometimes I’ll be driving, and I’ll want to listen to rap one day, and the next day I’ll switch and want to listen to FLYLEAF or something. I like my variety, and my rock gives me such an adrenaline rush I start getting horny and fuck everything.

CRYPT: And how hold are you now, 23?
ANGELINA ARMANI: I’m 21! C’mon! I’m LEGAL in VEGAS! Yeah baby!

CRYPT: AWESOME! Thank you very much…
ANGELINA ARMANI: Thank you…


SUNSET THOMAS
Another legend of XXX, Sunset Thomas is still beautiful and in awesome shape for being ‘thirtysomething’…and one of the few people who’ve successfully channeled a craving for constant sex into fame and fortune without negative repercussions. Originally making films solely with her first husband, Zach Adams, she made her first major film ONCE IN A LIFETIME in 1995. Since then, she has hosted the AVN awards, appeared on Howard Stern, Maury, The O’Reilly Factor, CATHOUSE, has worked as a professional courtesan at Nevada’s Moonlight Bunny Ranch and Kit Kat Ranch, (but, sorry, gents, she hung up her spurs in 2005) and assisted her niece SUNRISE ADAMS into beginning her own XXX career. This last fact is highly relevant in proving the Adult industry does not wholly enslave and denigrate women!

CRYPT: Great to meet you, Ms. Thomas! So, are you or aren’t you retired?
SUNSET THOMAS’S MANAGER: HUSTLER is releasing her final movie in February, it’s called “Into The Sunset” (Great title, IMHO).

CRYPT: Awesome…and what are your plans beyond that?
SUNSET THOMAS: I’m going to have my own company, I’m going to become a director, I’ll be directing adult movies as well. I write for RingsideReport.com, I do that for boxing…

CRYPT: And you have your own racehorse as well, right?
SUNSET THOMAS: Well, I have a racehorse that’s named after me, but she’s in Canada. She’s not racing any more, she’s breeding now.

CRYPT: OK, just to clear something up, did Sunrise (Adams—ST’s niece) get into the business because of you, or no?
SUNSETTHOMAS: Well, she always…when she was younger, before she was of age, she always loved seeing me, being in the business, how much fun I was having, and stuff like that…so, once she came of age, she said “Aunt Diana…or Aunt Sunset, can you help me out, or hook me up with someone?” And I hooked her up with VIVID.

CRYPT: Oh! Nice. That’s like going straight to the top, right there…
SUNSET THOMAS: Yeah!

CRYPT: So, if this will be your final XXX film, do you have another one that was your favorite, one that you like the most?

SUNSET THOMAS: Out of my adult movies? I Like “Sex”, and “Sex 2”, and “Misty Beethoven” as well. I have a lot of favorite ones, though. I could go on, and on and on, and tell you all my favorite ones…

CRYPT: Yeah, it’s kind of like being asked, “What’s your favorite kid?”
SUNSET THOMAS: Well, the cool thing that I like about my final movie that I just got done shooting, it’s called “Into The Sunset”, was that I had this big contest out here in Las Vegas, to actually have a fan be my final co-star, and have sex with me in my final film!

CRYPT: Gaaahhh! And I missed out, wouldn’t ya know it…
SUNSET THOMAS: Yeah, he’s going to be here tomorrow…

CRYPT: Well, good luck with that…so, you were actually working at the Bunny Ranch for a while?
SUNSET THOMAS: Well, that’s old history, that was actually years and years ago…then I went to the Kit Kat Ranch for a little bit, and just recently I was at the Longhorn…

CRYPT: Yeah…so you kind of paved the way for other stars to do that…
SUNSET THOMAS’S MANAGER: She’s the Rosa Parks of Prostitution!
SUNSET THOMAS: I’m the one that started it out, yeah…

CRYPT: And then Cheyenne Silver started doing it, and then guys thought, “Well, I’ve got the chance to meet Sunset Thomas or Cheyenne Silver, so I’ll do that…”
SUNSET THOMAS’S MANAGER: She’s the first, she broke the barrier. Sunset Thomas if the first important star to work in legal prostitution.
SUNSET THOMAS: When I first got in there, they were like “Oh my God, you’re making us look like sluts and whores”, and I was like “HELLO, you’re sluts and whores anyway! So what’s wrong with me having sex with my fans?”

CRYPT: I like what you said about being the Rosa Parks of prostitution, ‘cause there is a kind of fine line…
SUNSET THOMAS’S MANAGER: There was a negative thing when she broke into it.
Like she said, in the Industry, it was not acceptable for her to work in the legal brothel system.

CRYPT: That’s freakin’ strange…
SUNSET THOMAS’S MANAGER: Well, no, because they thought what it did, it de-mystified the fact that it could mean that any man could be a porn star. ‘Cause guys were supposed to look at a porn movie and see a ‘porn stud’ screwing a ‘porn chick’. Now, because of her contest, a regular guy could come in for her final movie…

CRYPT: At Olympic Gardens…So how was that guy? Was he good?
SUNSET THOMAS: Oh, he’s wonderful, he’s actually going to be here tomorrow…
SUNSET THOMAS’S MANAGER: He got it up, he penetrated, but he couldn’t ‘pop’. But that’s alright…they also had Ron Jeremy and Marco Banderas in the room with him at the same time. That’s not an easy thing…


CRYPT: I know, with those two guys in there, I’d be like, fuck this…
SUNSET THOMAS’S MANAGER: Yeah, Ronny was coachin’ him, but Banderas was just there ‘cause she’s so goddamned thirsty for dick, she needed him in there too!
SUNSET THOMAS: I couldn’t get enough, you know? It was my last film, I wanted to go out with a ‘bang’!
SUNSET THOMAS’S MANAGER: But now, people can go to greendatexxx.com, it’s a new company she’s working with, where they can actually book dates with porn stars!
CRYPT: Allright! Best wishes for your continued success!

© 2009 Crypt Magazine. All Rights Reserved.